(no subject)

in
I'm about the happiest person alive right now. I just talked to nikki. She just earned telephone privelages there at the place. She gets 10 minutes a day. So her first call was to me... and she said she is gonna use all the 10 minutes on me every day. She also said her and some dude keep freak dancin and grindin each other all the time. This upsets me. I think she just said it to bother me. I dunno that left me feelig empty inside. I got to talk to her today though. She's been clean for 3 days to cause of being in there. That is good. That is very good. Hopefully they let her out soon and I can keep her clean. IF not oh well. As long as the let her out soon and I can go see her. Well I'm gonna go lie down. Thats all I feel like doing... thats how happy I am.
in
I'm about the happiest person alive right now. I just talked to nikki. She just earned telephone privelages there at the place. She gets 10 minutes a day. So her first call was to me... and she said she is gonna use all the 10 minutes on me every day. She also said her and some dude keep freak dancin and grindin each other all the time. This upsets me. I think she just said it to bother me. I dunno that left me feelig empty inside. I got to talk to her today though. She's been clean for 3 days to cause of being in there. That is good. That is very good. Hopefully they let her out soon and I can keep her clean. IF not oh well. As long as the let her out soon and I can go see her. Well I'm gonna go lie down. Thats all I feel like doing... thats how happy I am.
in
I lied... this should be my last post. Nikki is ok. She is in a guardian house. This means I won't get to see her again. This is just like losing dad. Losing Laura wasn't as bad cause I still see her aroud and know how she is doing. Well with nikki I'm not going to know any of this. See this teaches me not to care about people. Not to love people. Every time I do something happens to them to where they can't or won't talk to me again. So this is the point in my life where I decide what to do. I have decided that I am never going to become attatched to anyone or anything again. I have decided I am no longer going to make friends or spend time with the ones I have. I have decided that It is best this way. That way I don't fuck up peoples lives and get my feelings hurt more. So for everyone that knows me... don't think I'm stopping talking to you and hanging out with you because I hate you. That isn't the case. I'm just trying to save you all and save my feelings. So good bye everyone. For real this time. I'm now just a person. A person no one should talk to. A person no one should expect much from. I have my computer now and only it. Hopefully it doesn't leave me.

(no subject)

in
I lied... this should be my last post. Nikki is ok. She is in a guardian house. This means I won't get to see her again. This is just like losing dad. Losing Laura wasn't as bad cause I still see her aroud and know how she is doing. Well with nikki I'm not going to know any of this. See this teaches me not to care about people. Not to love people. Every time I do something happens to them to where they can't or won't talk to me again. So this is the point in my life where I decide what to do. I have decided that I am never going to become attatched to anyone or anything again. I have decided I am no longer going to make friends or spend time with the ones I have. I have decided that It is best this way. That way I don't fuck up peoples lives and get my feelings hurt more. So for everyone that knows me... don't think I'm stopping talking to you and hanging out with you because I hate you. That isn't the case. I'm just trying to save you all and save my feelings. So good bye everyone. For real this time. I'm now just a person. A person no one should talk to. A person no one should expect much from. I have my computer now and only it. Hopefully it doesn't leave me.
in
This is my final journal. My final farewell. So far everything in my life I've had going for me it has found a way to mess up. I loved laura... everyone knows how that one went. I believe I really just was infatuated with her. I love nikki... now she has ran away. No one knows where she is. I've spent all day trying to find her. I say good bye to everyone now. I've lost my dad. I've lost Laura. Now I've lost nikki. Three strikes... I'm out. Good bye everyone. I leave now.

(no subject)

in
This is my final journal. My final farewell. So far everything in my life I've had going for me it has found a way to mess up. I loved laura... everyone knows how that one went. I believe I really just was infatuated with her. I love nikki... now she has ran away. No one knows where she is. I've spent all day trying to find her. I say good bye to everyone now. I've lost my dad. I've lost Laura. Now I've lost nikki. Three strikes... I'm out. Good bye everyone. I leave now.

(no subject)

in
Ok. I'm gonna go see Final Fantasy today. Devin and I are going. I think brandi is gonna tag along with us. She might have to work though. I hope everyone is enjoying their summers. And anyone who is going to warped tour today I wish you a good time. As everyone knows I had tickets but I gave them to Laura. Oh well... now her and Matt get to go. They'd enjoy it better. Everyone knows how I am when it comes to being around people in public. Anyway. Peace everyone.
in
Ok. I'm gonna go see Final Fantasy today. Devin and I are going. I think brandi is gonna tag along with us. She might have to work though. I hope everyone is enjoying their summers. And anyone who is going to warped tour today I wish you a good time. As everyone knows I had tickets but I gave them to Laura. Oh well... now her and Matt get to go. They'd enjoy it better. Everyone knows how I am when it comes to being around people in public. Anyway. Peace everyone.
in
1. full name: Ryan Carl Mercer
2. born in: Fort Wayne Indiana
3. height: 6'0
4. eyes/hair: brown/brown
5. shoe size: fucked if I know
6. ethnicity: i'm not from earth
7. sign: aries
8. smoke: breathe in and out
9. drink: no I don't like urinade
10. do drugs: drugs are bad ;)
11. shampoo: is better... no conditioner is better
12. conditioner: is better... no shampoo is better
13. toothpaste: any
14. deodorant: curve
15. fave alcoholic drink: root beer
16. fave web page: www.mideralm.org/sternfeld
17. fave tv shows: THE TRIBE
18. fave magazine: Popular Mechanics
19. fave smells: sex is a good smell
20. future daughter's name: Lucretia
21. future son's name: Arawn
22. fave poet: Poe
23. what is on the walls of your room: 2 Edmund Blair Leighton paintings
24. half empty or half full: the glass is broken
25. do you type with your fingers on the right keys: no
26. what's under your bed: I'm afraid to look
27. what is your dream car: 1969 Shelby gt 500 mustang.
28. fave sport to watch: Sports are stupid
29. truth or dare: dare
30. wwf or wcw: none
31. ocean or pool: ocean
32. cake or pie: cake
33. sean, shawn, or shaun: none fool
34. gum - spit or swallow: spit
35. love or lust: love
36. wal-mart, kmart, target: S-mart
37. read or write: write
38. lay on the beach or play in the sand: play in the sand
39. bagel or doughnut: doughnut
40. chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
41. wild or mild: wild
42. croutons or bacon bits: bacos bits
43. sits in the stands or plays the game: stands
44. ice cream or frozen yogurt: ice cream
45. tea or coffee: coffee
46. read the book or see the movie: book then movie
47. french toast or pancakes: pancakes
48. silver or gold: white gold
49. crab or lobster: lobster
50.cassettes or cds: records
51. opening envelopes - knife or tear it: tear it
52. smell or taste: white castle food smell trapped in your car
53. coke or pepsi: pepsi
54. care bears or rainbow brite: care bears
55. frogs or toads: frogs
56. tootsie pop or blow pop: blow
57. broom or mop: mop
58. dogs or cats: dogs
59. boxers or briefs: boxers
60. ru paul or dennis rodman: ru paul is the shit
61. leather or vinyl: a combination of both
62. m&m's or smarties: m&m's
63. french poodle, french fries, french kiss: french kiss
64. taco or burrito: taco
65. cell phone or pay phone: pay phone with a red box
66. star wars or star trek: star wars
67. nacho cheese or cool ranch: nacho cheese
68. snapple or fruitopia: neither fruit shit sucks
69. pen or pencil: pen
70. sunrise or sunset: sunset
71. crushed or cubed: crushed
72. apple or orange: neither
73. cheerios or corn flakes: cheerios
74. sprite or 7 up: neither
75. ribbed or plain: ribbed ;)
76. dry or lubricated: dry
77. early bird or night owl: I don't sleep ok
78. hug or kiss: both
79. showers or baths: say what?
80. have you ever gone skinny dipping: does it count if your wearing a dog
81. do you have any piercings/tattoos: yeah... dumbass questionaire
82. you wear glasses: no... I just glue them to me
83. do you read tabloids: hey... that is the REAL news
84, do you wear a hat: yeah
85. do you know all the words to the national anthem: yeah... Fuck off everyone.. them the words
86. do you wear jewelry: yeah
87. do you paint your nails: toe nails... during school year... to fuck with people
88. do you consider yourself a good listener: yeah
89. do you sing in the shower: ¿whats a shower?
90. do you talk to your pet: yeah... she talks back
91. do you talk to yourself: yeah... they talk back
92. do you talk in your sleep: no
93. do you snore: I don't sleep
94. do you lick envelopes or use a sponge: lick... I wann die like on Seinfeld
95. do you shave your legs: no I'm not eric
96. pits: I was born in a pile of shit
97. what is in your sock drawer: I dunno...
98. what scares you: my ass
99. what color is your toothbrush: many...
100. what is your worst injury ever: um... I was shot... and I died... but I'm here again
101. do you believe in love at first sight: no... it takes me two looks to fully check someone out... the front... then the back. so love at second sight
102. have you ever been in love: evol... anyone every notice that... close to evil
103. fave place to be: bob-o's bathroom
104. what is the best feeling in the world: the feeling right after you total a 6000$ car
105. say my name bitch: No you say my name bitch

(no subject)

in
1. full name: Ryan Carl Mercer
2. born in: Fort Wayne Indiana
3. height: 6'0
4. eyes/hair: brown/brown
5. shoe size: fucked if I know
6. ethnicity: i'm not from earth
7. sign: aries
8. smoke: breathe in and out
9. drink: no I don't like urinade
10. do drugs: drugs are bad ;)
11. shampoo: is better... no conditioner is better
12. conditioner: is better... no shampoo is better
13. toothpaste: any
14. deodorant: curve
15. fave alcoholic drink: root beer
16. fave web page: www.mideralm.org/sternfeld
17. fave tv shows: THE TRIBE
18. fave magazine: Popular Mechanics
19. fave smells: sex is a good smell
20. future daughter's name: Lucretia
21. future son's name: Arawn
22. fave poet: Poe
23. what is on the walls of your room: 2 Edmund Blair Leighton paintings
24. half empty or half full: the glass is broken
25. do you type with your fingers on the right keys: no
26. what's under your bed: I'm afraid to look
27. what is your dream car: 1969 Shelby gt 500 mustang.
28. fave sport to watch: Sports are stupid
29. truth or dare: dare
30. wwf or wcw: none
31. ocean or pool: ocean
32. cake or pie: cake
33. sean, shawn, or shaun: none fool
34. gum - spit or swallow: spit
35. love or lust: love
36. wal-mart, kmart, target: S-mart
37. read or write: write
38. lay on the beach or play in the sand: play in the sand
39. bagel or doughnut: doughnut
40. chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
41. wild or mild: wild
42. croutons or bacon bits: bacos bits
43. sits in the stands or plays the game: stands
44. ice cream or frozen yogurt: ice cream
45. tea or coffee: coffee
46. read the book or see the movie: book then movie
47. french toast or pancakes: pancakes
48. silver or gold: white gold
49. crab or lobster: lobster
50.cassettes or cds: records
51. opening envelopes - knife or tear it: tear it
52. smell or taste: white castle food smell trapped in your car
53. coke or pepsi: pepsi
54. care bears or rainbow brite: care bears
55. frogs or toads: frogs
56. tootsie pop or blow pop: blow
57. broom or mop: mop
58. dogs or cats: dogs
59. boxers or briefs: boxers
60. ru paul or dennis rodman: ru paul is the shit
61. leather or vinyl: a combination of both
62. m&m's or smarties: m&m's
63. french poodle, french fries, french kiss: french kiss
64. taco or burrito: taco
65. cell phone or pay phone: pay phone with a red box
66. star wars or star trek: star wars
67. nacho cheese or cool ranch: nacho cheese
68. snapple or fruitopia: neither fruit shit sucks
69. pen or pencil: pen
70. sunrise or sunset: sunset
71. crushed or cubed: crushed
72. apple or orange: neither
73. cheerios or corn flakes: cheerios
74. sprite or 7 up: neither
75. ribbed or plain: ribbed ;)
76. dry or lubricated: dry
77. early bird or night owl: I don't sleep ok
78. hug or kiss: both
79. showers or baths: say what?
80. have you ever gone skinny dipping: does it count if your wearing a dog
81. do you have any piercings/tattoos: yeah... dumbass questionaire
82. you wear glasses: no... I just glue them to me
83. do you read tabloids: hey... that is the REAL news
84, do you wear a hat: yeah
85. do you know all the words to the national anthem: yeah... Fuck off everyone.. them the words
86. do you wear jewelry: yeah
87. do you paint your nails: toe nails... during school year... to fuck with people
88. do you consider yourself a good listener: yeah
89. do you sing in the shower: ¿whats a shower?
90. do you talk to your pet: yeah... she talks back
91. do you talk to yourself: yeah... they talk back
92. do you talk in your sleep: no
93. do you snore: I don't sleep
94. do you lick envelopes or use a sponge: lick... I wann die like on Seinfeld
95. do you shave your legs: no I'm not eric
96. pits: I was born in a pile of shit
97. what is in your sock drawer: I dunno...
98. what scares you: my ass
99. what color is your toothbrush: many...
100. what is your worst injury ever: um... I was shot... and I died... but I'm here again
101. do you believe in love at first sight: no... it takes me two looks to fully check someone out... the front... then the back. so love at second sight
102. have you ever been in love: evol... anyone every notice that... close to evil
103. fave place to be: bob-o's bathroom
104. what is the best feeling in the world: the feeling right after you total a 6000$ car
105. say my name bitch: No you say my name bitch
in
Ok... my cable modem works... go me... Um... yeah... downloaded lots a porn... cause its closest I can get ;)... Its cleaner anyway... only one person to clean up aftewards... maybe ya know... the ceiling... or monitor... or keyboard... but those are all easy... Don't bitch about what I just said... its my journal... not yours.

(no subject)

in
This is fucking funny....
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\uc1\pard\sb100\sa100\f0\fs24 21 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MIGHT MEET IN THE MEN'S ROOM! 1 EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. 2 SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. 3 CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed. 4 TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. 5 INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink. 6 CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor. 7 WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection. 8 FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug. 9 ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants. 10 CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble. 11 SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed. 12 PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand. 13 DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants. 14 TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it. 15 EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, then does both. 16 FAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe. 17 LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns. 18 DRUNK: Holds right thumb in left hand, pisses in pants. 19 DISGRUNTLED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away. 20 CONCEITED: Holds two-inch dick like a baseball bat. 21 RADICAL: Ignores urinal. Pisses on wall
in
This is fucking funny....

{\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\deff0\deflang1033{\fonttbl{\f0\froman\fcharset0 Times New Roman;}}
\uc1\pard\sb100\sa100\f0\fs24 21 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MIGHT MEET IN THE MEN'S ROOM! 1 EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. 2 SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. 3 CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed. 4 TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. 5 INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink. 6 CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor. 7 WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection. 8 FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug. 9 ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants. 10 CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble. 11 SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed. 12 PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand. 13 DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants. 14 TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it. 15 EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, then does both. 16 FAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe. 17 LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns. 18 DRUNK: Holds right thumb in left hand, pisses in pants. 19 DISGRUNTLED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away. 20 CONCEITED: Holds two-inch dick like a baseball bat. 21 RADICAL: Ignores urinal. Pisses on wall
in
This is my letter to the world...

I do not love, I only hurt
I hurt and I cry
I smile yet it means nothing
An emptiness binds my heart
A darkness for which no light can banish
My only dream is nothing
I can not escape this plague, this existance
Not even in my mind is there a safe haven
At night I close my eyes and wish
Wish for that which I cannot have
My heart cried for an end
To enter the emptiness of my dreams
And to never awaken in this mortal world again
If only I had the means
Yet fear fills me at the thought
I want of nothing more than peace
Peace and rest from my hell
From my life and from myself.

(no subject)

in
This is my letter to the world...
I do not love, I only hurt
I hurt and I cry
I smile yet it means nothing
An emptiness binds my heart
A darkness for which no light can banish
My only dream is nothing
I can not escape this plague, this existance
Not even in my mind is there a safe haven
At night I close my eyes and wish
Wish for that which I cannot have
My heart cried for an end
To enter the emptiness of my dreams
And to never awaken in this mortal world again
If only I had the means
Yet fear fills me at the thought
I want of nothing more than peace
Peace and rest from my hell
From my life and from myself.