Hank Williams Jr.

 

 

 

Oh crap, so since I posted this image... is ESPN and the NFL going to stop doing business with me? Well crap, what ever will I do now? Hank Williams Jr., if you need a job you can come to work for me... I just can't pay you what those tools did. I love how they went carzy when you said that but Obama gets away with saying "If asking a billionaire to pay the same rate as a Jew, uh, as a janitor, makes me a warrior for the working class, I wear that with a badge of honor." and no one even blinks... /fail. 

Chuck Lorre Productions #356

When I started writing vanity cards, way back in 1995, few people noticed them. Most of those who did assumed they were some sort of legal boilerplate. Heck, even if someone got curious and hit 'pause' on their VCR, there was no guarantee they'd be able to read the darn thongs. Now... forget about it. Every card gets parses and analyzed like it was a Canticle for Leibowitz (great book check it out). The jokes are taken way too seriously and the stories all have to have a secret meaning. (Sometimes a junkie monkey is just a junkie monkey.) Don't get me wrong. There's a part of me that loves to exploit his silliness. What other possible reason would I have to write the following poem?

He knew where the bodies were buried,
'cause they weren't buried deep.
Always follow the money,
silence doesn't come cheap.

-Chuck Lorre.

RIP Steve "Tony Stark" Jobs

So we lost the closest man we had to Tony Stark yesterday... Steve Jobs. I just wanted to mention some of the things we have in the world thanks to Mr. Jobs. I'd also like to take a moment to thank Steve Jobs. Why am I thanking him? Well, the first computer I ever used was an Apple II... in fact it was the first computer I had ever seen in person. That Apple II in kindergarten launched me into the world of computers and has given me the life I've known in the 21 years and change since that first exposure.

 

The first commercially successful personal computers.

iPods, revolutionizing portable music.

iPhones, truly an amazing phone.

iPads, launching us into the future science fiction has given us tastes of.

iTunes, which revolutionized the music industry.

Pixar, in 1986 Jobs bought Lucas Film's digital division and founded Pixar with 5 million dollars, 5 years later put Toy Story into production.

 

 

 

If you would like to share your thoughts, memories, and condolences, please email rememberingsteve@apple.com

iPhone 4S

iOS 5 comes out October 14th and will have wireless updates. It will include “Reminders” which will be a geographically based to-do list, iMessage will be a free mms/sms feature that goes over the internet instead of having to pay your carrier, you can store music, photos, docs in Apple’s cloud, parents (and abusive partners/spouses) will be able to track their kids (partner/spouse) 24/7, 5gb free mail & docs storage in the cloud with ability to pay $20/$50/$100 more a year to get more storage, unlimited storage for photos and music, iCloud video playing.

The iPod nano will have a 'watch' app and better run/walk tracking software.

The new mobile phone is an iPhone 4S and will release October 14th, same look with all new insides. It will have a 1ghz A5 chip, and boasts 7x faster graphics for better games although it was hard to discern a difference in performance on Infinity Blade 2 that they were demoing on the device.

The 4S' wireless system can "intelligently switch" between it's two antennas to "make even better call quality".

Faster data downloads using HSDPA making the 4S a 4G-LIKE phone so while not technically a 4G device it will have a faster data rate than the iPhone 4.

An 8 megapixel 3264x2448 camera with more accurate colors due to a ‘five element lens’, camera also has a f/2.4 aperture which is better for low light conditions, 1.1 seconds to take a photo, can take shots capable of doing decent poster sized prints, 1080p HD video.

Integrated Siri voice control (note Siri is 4S ONLY) example given is holding the home button to activate Siri then saying “what is the weather like today” and the phone says “here’s today’s weather” then pops up the forecast then human says “what is the hourly forecast” and it repeats the previous actions followed by the human saying “do I need a raincoat today?” to which the female voice replies “it sure looks like rain”, more Siri interaction looking for a restaurant with similar success, Siri will read you your text messages and calendar "do I have meetings at Friday at noon" it "you don't have any...", if your phone is out of reach and you receive a text you can ask Siri to read it to you hands free by saying “Read my message” which it will then ask if you wish to “reply” or “read it again”, Siri will support English French and German, Siri will be considered 'beta' to start with more languages and services being added over time, a microphone button is on the keyboard which can be used to dictate to Siri.

 

iPhone 4S Price 16GB $199, 32GB #299, and for the first time ever 64GB $399
iPhone 4 discounted to 8GB $99, and get this 3GS will be a free phone for the 8GB version

The iPhone 4S will be available for preorder October 7th.

http://www.apple.com/iphone/#

Chuck Lorre Productions #354

Hardly a day goes by when I don't think about quitting this business. Hanging it up. Taking my proverbial bat and ball and going home. In my imagination, the day after I quit is a wonderful, relaxing, joyful experience. I reconnect with old friends, walk on the beach, read, listen to music, play guitar, play golf, eat leisurely meals off of real plates, exercise, meditate, maybe go see a matinee, or take a stab at writing a few pages of a self-indulgent, joke-free play filled with people screaming at each other, and then, after taking the dog for a walk, climb into bed and fall into a peaceful, stress-free sleep. The day after that, bored out of my mind, I start drinking around the clock and quickly descend into a dark, frothing madness that leads to either being institutionalized or liver failure and an agonizing premature death. The really scary part? There's hardly a day goes by when I don't think about quitting this business.

- Chuck Lorre