Chuck Lorre Productions #359

Okay, I'm just gonna say it out loud. There are times when going crazy looks attractive. And I'm not talking about becoming charmingly eccentric. I've already got that covered none ways to Sunday. No, I'm talking about purposely emigrating to the land of lunacy. That special psychological zip code where The Ancient Laws of Behave Yourself mo longer apply. My "reasoning" is simple. It takes a great deal of effort to sustain a conservative, trustworthy persona. Surrendering that effort would involve, from a Freudian perspective, a conscious dismantling of the super ego-that part of the psyche entrusted with enforcing parental and socially approved actions. And therein lies the allure of going full frontal wack-a-doodle. The constant energy required to pass as normal would suddenly become available for doing and saying whatever pleases me in the moment. Imagine it. The id and libido completely unbound by any and all mortal or cultural restrictions. Hmm... Probably won't need the shrink anymore... might need a lawyer.

-Chuck Lorre

Chuck Lorre Productions #357

I've just learned that 96% of the universe is made up of stuff we don't understand, can't measure, and, until very recently, didn't even know existed. Personally I find this extremely reassuring. A big mystery in my life is finally solved. I mean, think about it. What chance did both of my marriages have when we were all so clueless regarding the fundamental nature of everything? On a very deep, quantum level, I feel vindicated. In fact, I'm thinking of sending a note to both exes. Something along the lines of, "I told you that dark energy wasn't just coming from me. It was in you, the coffee table, your mother - it was all around us. Goo goo g'joob, baby!"

-Chuck Lorre

Chuck Lorre Productions #356

When I started writing vanity cards, way back in 1995, few people noticed them. Most of those who did assumed they were some sort of legal boilerplate. Heck, even if someone got curious and hit 'pause' on their VCR, there was no guarantee they'd be able to read the darn thongs. Now... forget about it. Every card gets parses and analyzed like it was a Canticle for Leibowitz (great book check it out). The jokes are taken way too seriously and the stories all have to have a secret meaning. (Sometimes a junkie monkey is just a junkie monkey.) Don't get me wrong. There's a part of me that loves to exploit his silliness. What other possible reason would I have to write the following poem?

He knew where the bodies were buried,
'cause they weren't buried deep.
Always follow the money,
silence doesn't come cheap.

-Chuck Lorre.