Chuck Lorre Productions #357

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I've just learned that 96% of the universe is made up of stuff we don't understand, can't measure, and, until very recently, didn't even know existed. Personally I find this extremely reassuring. A big mystery in my life is finally solved. I mean, think about it. What chance did both of my marriages have when we were all so clueless regarding the fundamental nature of everything? On a very deep, quantum level, I feel vindicated. In fact, I'm thinking of sending a note to both exes. Something along the lines of, "I told you that dark energy wasn't just coming from me. It was in you, the coffee table, your mother - it was all around us. Goo goo g'joob, baby!"

-Chuck Lorre

Hank Williams Jr.

 

 

 

Oh crap, so since I posted this image... is ESPN and the NFL going to stop doing business with me? Well crap, what ever will I do now? Hank Williams Jr., if you need a job you can come to work for me... I just can't pay you what those tools did. I love how they went carzy when you said that but Obama gets away with saying "If asking a billionaire to pay the same rate as a Jew, uh, as a janitor, makes me a warrior for the working class, I wear that with a badge of honor." and no one even blinks... /fail. 

Chuck Lorre Productions #356

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When I started writing vanity cards, way back in 1995, few people noticed them. Most of those who did assumed they were some sort of legal boilerplate. Heck, even if someone got curious and hit 'pause' on their VCR, there was no guarantee they'd be able to read the darn thongs. Now... forget about it. Every card gets parses and analyzed like it was a Canticle for Leibowitz (great book check it out). The jokes are taken way too seriously and the stories all have to have a secret meaning. (Sometimes a junkie monkey is just a junkie monkey.) Don't get me wrong. There's a part of me that loves to exploit his silliness. What other possible reason would I have to write the following poem?

He knew where the bodies were buried,
'cause they weren't buried deep.
Always follow the money,
silence doesn't come cheap.

-Chuck Lorre.

RIP Steve "Tony Stark" Jobs

So we lost the closest man we had to Tony Stark yesterday... Steve Jobs. I just wanted to mention some of the things we have in the world thanks to Mr. Jobs. I'd also like to take a moment to thank Steve Jobs. Why am I thanking him? Well, the first computer I ever used was an Apple II... in fact it was the first computer I had ever seen in person. That Apple II in kindergarten launched me into the world of computers and has given me the life I've known in the 21 years and change since that first exposure.

 

The first commercially successful personal computers.

iPods, revolutionizing portable music.

iPhones, truly an amazing phone.

iPads, launching us into the future science fiction has given us tastes of.

iTunes, which revolutionized the music industry.

Pixar, in 1986 Jobs bought Lucas Film's digital division and founded Pixar with 5 million dollars, 5 years later put Toy Story into production.

 

 

 

If you would like to share your thoughts, memories, and condolences, please email rememberingsteve@apple.com