I wish..

in
I wish they would tell me something about my baby... they haven't told me shit... and I just called... and gave them the claim number... and the insurance said they'd get some body to come look at the car... this weekend... UM HELLO YOU FUCKING TOWED THE CAR YESTERDAY YOU DUMB FUCKS!! So we tell them this and they are like oh ok... so we call the place that towed it and they can't tell us anything cause they are with a claims adjuster... And they said its probably totalled... because the hood is fucked up they said and stuff... Um sorry no... there wasn't a damn thing wrong with the hood... but if you want to total her go ahead... just gimme what I paid for it... It's gonna suck... they are gonna try to give me 1600$ prolly cause thats blue book... when I paid 2000$ for it and did 1000$ worth of work to it... and they better let me take my fucking radio out since it was one of my ONLY christmas presents... I'm not gonna sign the car over to the fuckers till I get my radio out... even if I have to go take it off their property at night.

I need.

in
I need a car now more than ever... so 11 days before my 18th birthday mom totals it by backing into it... when she knew it was there... 10 days before my 18th birthday I sit here... listening to how everyone has had fun the past two days... and life has had a fakeness to it these past two days... simply because I know I have no car... which means I have no life... which means I have no way of seeing my few friends... *sighs* I keep giving life all these chances... I keep trying... and instead of getting better... like it should... it keeps getting worse... the harder I try... the worse it gets... its fucking bullshit... its utter fucking bullshit. *sighs* what the fuck ever.

This job blows..

in
This job blows... but I found something awesome that I'm gonna do... http://jobcorps.doleta.gov/ . The closest one is at Addebury... so I'll have to drive 30 miles a day... but its ok... once I get a running car... because what they do is they take high school drop outs inbetween 16 and 23... they get you your diploma or ged... train you in a union or non union job skill of your choice... and then pay you when you complete their thing... and get you your first job. FOR FREE because its a government program.

FUck this shit fuck it all.

in
So every year on march 11th I get to remember that I lost dad... now every march 12th I get to remember that I lost my best car I ever had... mom knew it was behind her truck... so she backs up into it doin about 20 today leavin for work... I start it and gas pours out of it faster than it does out of a faucet... the whole front end is smashed up... I have a fuckin headlight danglin almost to the ground... and she didn't even bother to tell me when it happened... she waits till she calls at 11 "oh yeah, by the way, I backed into your car on the way to work... you should go check it" god damnit... god fucking damnit... my life really can't get any worse now... it can't... not one fucking bit can it... this is fucking bullshit.... I swear to god... if anything else bad does happen... whoever or whatever cuased it... is going to feel my full wrath... and suffer before it or they is utterly fucking destroyed.... GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

This is...

in
This is mother fucking bullshit... today is dad's aniversary... I"m at devins having some fun... actually having a lot of fun... no... a whole lot of fun... then my mom calls... she locked herself... and cussed me out some... hung up on me... called back... told me to come let her in... called back said not to... called back told me to let her in... I go out to start my car and it won't... I kick it some... get it started... she calls asks when i'm leaving... I was trying to fuckign leave... I prolly looked like an ass to Vanessa (and I still didn't get her a book list... which I need to do... I'll have to email it to devin to give to her next time he see's her online or something) and devin and skooba and jake... because I was about to fucking break everything in site... so I fucking get on 465... and half way up the on ramp... I see that there are still emergency crews and traffic backed up... so about 10 minutes later I get passed all the emergency crews... there was like a billion car pilup... one truck lost 3 big pipes... tipped a tanker... a pickup slammed up under a flatbed... person was stuck in the vehicle and dead because they had blankets draped over the trcuk.. there were a good half dozen cars without axels... a good 20 police cars... several ambulances still coming and going 2 hours after it happened... and lots of emergency response teams there... still... 2hours after it happened... so I get by all of that... then I get home... AND THE BITCH ISN"T FUCKIGN HERE! I try to have a good day... on the one day I need it... and the bitch goes and ruins it for me... I'm sick of it... I'm fucking god damn sick of it... I hate life... I fuckign hate it... I was enjoying myself tonight more than ever before then all this shit... so I try to cal devin and he's gone already... blah... fuck it... fuck it all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Mark. A. Mercer

in
Dad, it's almost been 5 years to the minute now... since you died. I thought that it would get easier every year... as I adjusted to you being gone. However it only seems to be getting worse, because you aren't here for so much, and because I've royally screwed my life up, and that wouldn't have happened if you wouldn't have died. I guess in a way I have dishonored you by failing life so far. I want to apologiz, apologize for 5 years ago today. When I held your hand, and held you as you died. I apologize for making you fight on. You could hear my voice, and as long as I talked your heart fought to stay beating. Finally I stopped talking to let you go, I'm sorry for stopping talking, Maybe my voice was helping you, maybe without it there you were afraid. I guess I'll never know. I can only hope that you met Death and weren't afraid. 12 days to go and I'll be 18, just something else you'll miss. I'm not mad at you though, You held on as long as you could, fought to stay... fought so you wouldn't have to leave me. I miss you dad, and I love you...

The lord is my Shepherd I shall not want
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures
He leadeth me beside the still waters
He restoreth my soul
He Guideth me in straight paths for his name sake
Yea though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear
no evil
For thou art with me Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me
Thou preparest a table before me in the presents of my enemies Thou
has anointed
my head with oil, my cup runeth over
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and
I shall
live in the house of the lord for ever and ever

Damn..

in
Damn... devin has an 18.1 gallon fuel tank... I only have a 15.3 *sobs* oh well he has a L69 HO 305ci V8 and I have a 2.8l v6... he needs the gas... oh and devin... t-tops in your 84... would be custom no matter what... just because... t tops were only factory from 85-88... blah you suck to devin... 3.42: rear differential... thats not fair... my chevelle will only have a 3:31 rear diffenrtial... but my 454 ls5 will blow your little 305 v8 out of the water any day... now I just gotta get it... heh.

I hate people

in
I hate people like Ashlie... who think its cool to post about 50 times a day... thanks to people like them... that post 50 times a day and use free accounts... thanks to them livejournal is going to start limiting all kinds of stuff... I'm a paid member... and you free member... I get off to posting 1 sentence posts... people are ruining a good thing... so Fuck off... if you got a comment leave it... I'd like to hear your excuse for being assholes and not just posting everything at once... or editing your previous post everytime and just adding to it..... ooh and I start work tomorrow... yay.

Hmm... better recap of this weekend

in
Ok, a better recap of this weekend, went to devin's... we went and picked up Vanessa... hmm... I told her not to buy a book that she was going to and she didn't... now she wants me to teach her... so I have a new student... before that... on the way tot he mall... my blood entered her... so my blood now runs through her body... that is always good... heh... we were talking walking behind everyone else at the mall and decided that we are both gods... and that we are the voices in peoples heads... *nods* uh... we went downtown... jake's rental car got a flat... it was Vanessa's first time in a "big city" uh... then like other stuff happened... saturday we babysat dev's cousins. um... today took devin home... gonna decide what car I want to buy next... start thinking... I think maybe get a monte... I dunno... they are nice... thats if I can't get my chevelle clone... ciao