Chuck Lorre Productions #365

FOOD, PETTING AND PLAYING PRODUCTIONS #365

An odd thing happens after you've seen your name in print over and over again. It becomes detached from your sense of self. The shipping label no longer has any relationship with what's in the box. The experience is sort of like when you were a kid and you'd quickly repeat a word untill it had no meaning and was just a funny sound. It's disorienting when that happens to your name, but after awhile, surprisingly, it's actually quite liberating. There's your name in an article or some blog, and then, far away, in some other place - or no place if you're feeling zennish - is you. Another way to look at it is to imagine a soul or spirit rising up from a corpse. Everybody is standing around the dearly departed, signing his praises or bitching about him, while his "ectoplasmic body" is hovering near the ceiling and yelling "hey, I'm over here! I'm not that. I'm somewhere else." (or, zennishly, nothing else.) Of course, aside from the family dog, no one can hear or see him. They're all fixated on the body. The name. Which brings up an interesting idea. Dogs don't know our names. They see the real us, sans moniker. If they think anything when we walk into a room, it's probably something like, "Hey, it's food, petting and playing"

This is hands down my favorite yet, mainly because of the dog part... Chucke Lorre you amuse me.

This week in space

Quarter-mile-wide asteroid coming close to Earth

Now it's stuff like this that keeps me up late at night, because truth be told, we can't see it all and one of these could come crashing through our atmosphere any day.

An asteroid bigger than an aircraft carrier will dart between the Earth and moon on Tuesday - the closest encounter by such a huge rock in 35 years.

Read more HERE

 

Researchers complete 520-day mock mission to Mars

Could you imagine 520 days in a small environment with the same people? Oh wait, it's called prison and we've seen that people can do it for hundreds of years.

Pale but smiling, an international crew of researchers on Friday walked out of a set of windowless modules after a grueling 520-day simulation of a flight to Mars.

Read more HERE

 

Space science on the wings of starfighters

While this is all fine and dandy, I don't care about sub-orbital research, I care about traveling out of our orbit and far far away.

A NewSpace company based out of New Port Richey in Florida is working to provide suborbital access to space for firms with scientific payloads. The Star Lab project is an experimental suborbital launcher, designed to provide frequent, less expensive access to sub-orbit. This could allow educational and scientific institutions across the nation to conduct experiments that would normally be impractical.

Read more HERE

 

Space junk problem? Just fire a laser!

 

Hrmm, this will work once you can create a powerful enough laser, however... what will it do to the atmosphere? Then of course the next logical step of this is planetary defense weapons for when the Syndic try to attack the alliance (see the Lost Fleet series).

Imagine yourself as an astronaut performing scientific experiments and crowd-stunning aerobatics. Suddenly, ear-stinging, blaring alarms go off. Mission Control radios that all space station personnel should evacuate to the rescue vehicles because a piece of deadly space debris is headed your way.

Read more HERE

 

Kepler space telescope mission extension proposal

All I can say is they better keep funding it. Kepler has found a lot of cool things and will continue to do so as long as it's functional and funded.

Some potentially good news for exoplanet fans, and Kepler fans in particular – Kepler scientists are asking for a mission extension and seem reasonably confident they will get it. Otherwise, funding is due to run out in November of 2012. It is crucial that Kepler receive renewed funding in order to continue its already incredibly successful search for planets orbiting other stars. Its primary goal — and the holy grail of exoplanet research — is finding worlds that are about the size of Earth, orbiting in the “habitable zone” of stars that are similar to our Sun, where temperatures could allow liquid water on their surfaces.

Read more HERE

 

City lights could reveal E.T. civilization


Hrmm searching for E.T. via light pollution... not a bad idea.

In the search for extraterrestrial intelligence, astronomers have hunted for radio signals and ultra-short laser pulses. In a new paper, Avi Loeb (Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics) and Edwin Turner (Princeton University) suggest a new technique for finding aliens: look for their city lights.

Read more HERE

 

Scientists study the 'galaxy zoo' using Google Maps and thousands of volunteers

I love crowd sourced projects like these. I also love that this stuff is available to the general population... there is no benefit to mankind by hording knowledge, it should be shared.

The reddest galaxies with the largest central bulb show the largest bars -gigantic central columns of stars and dark matter-, according to a scientific study that used Google Maps to observe the sky. A group of volunteers of more than 200,000 participants of the galaxy classification project Galaxy Zoo contributed to this research.

Read more HERE

Chuck Lorre Productions #364

"On behalf of the producers of The Big Bang Theory I want to take this opportunity to thank our intrepid office staffers: Jen D'Angelo, Anthony Robinson, Jess Ambrosetti, Gary Torvinen, Tara Hernandez, Charlie Back, Robin Green for their tireless efforts and ridiculous devotion to the building of the Lego Death Star seen in tonight's episode. You are all now part of television history, although that will not be reflected in your paycheck."

That thing is FREAKING AWESOME! It's far superior to this one

Chuck Lorre Productions #363

Was there an original thought to be thunk? Or was he forever doomed to be an emulator, or worse, a regurgitator? And if he was, so what? Doesn't every college sophomore majoring in English because they have no freaking clue what to do with their life know that disdaining the derivative is the height of unoriginality? more importantly, what was the likelihood that he could keep writing without landing on even one declarative sentence? And why did he use the idiot word "thunk"? Is he actually an idiot? Or is he wildly clever? Will we find out one day? Who knows? Who cares? Should he continue trying to write a vanity card when he has a raging flu and is so heavily intoxicated from potpourri of over-the-counter cold medications that he keeps referring to himself in third person?

Probably not.

-Chuck Lorre

Chuck Lorre Productions #362

She was the kind of woman who said, "I hope this special day is infused with beauty and light and that all your hopes and dreams crystalize into a loving reality emanating from an equally loving universe." He would have been more comfortable if she just said, "Happy birthday."

He was the kind of man who said, "Whenever I see one of those tired, middle-aged balding schmucks pushing a baby carriage down Montana Avenue behind his thirty-year old, yoga-fied, Pilate-sized, armoire shopping, second wife, I can't help but feel a wave of pity for the poor, toad-like bastard." She would have been more comfortable if he just said, "I don't really want more kids."

She was the kind of woman who said, "What difference does it make if I've slept with rock stars, movie stars and sports legends? You measure up quite nicely to all those guys." He would have been more comfortable if she just said, "Stand sill while I stab you in the heart with my intrauterine device."

He was the kind of man who said, "I'm a worn-out, emotional wreck who's incapable of anything resembling warmth, love and intimacy, but I have a lot of money and you'll never want for anything." She would have been more comfortable if he just said... NO, actually she was entirely comfortable with the way he put it.

-Chuck Lorre

 

Note, 'crystalize' while this isn't entirely wrong I, and most spellcheck dictionaries, prefer crystallize but hey he's the one getting paid the big bucks.

-Ryan Mercer