in
I miss the way things were Freshman year. When Laura and I were best friends... before I made her look bad over and over and over... When I still had friends... lots of them... not just a few... when I fit in with other people. I miss how I was happy everyday... and I looked forward to waking up everyday. I miss the happiness I once felt. I miss it all. Packing things up to move has brought floods of memories of my happy times back. I had just gotten over the loss of dad... was happy... was fitting in... then I fucked it all up... like I do everything *sighs* Now life is going downhill so fast its rediculous... I'm losing all my friends because of my actions... I failed english some how... I'm become a loser... a failure. Everything I do ends in disaster. I can't find love... I can't find companionship... I can't find mental stimulation. I have lost my inspiration to write... Reading no longer is pleasurable to me... as a matter of fact I am growing to hate the written word... the one thing I thought I would never hate... As the summer folds out... while it is still young... I find that I hate my life with a passion... I wish it could be the way it once was... but that will never happen... I have fucked to many people over and fucked to many things up. My life crumbles more and more everyday... my few friends are left just to watch me become a shell of what I once was... all I can hope for is that it doesn't cause their lives to deteriorate or crumble any... that when the me I once was totally dies and all that is left is my body and a lost soul... that they live happily... and go un-affected by my loss of interest in everything... To all the people I've ever hurt I'm sorry... Especially to Laura... I'm sorry for all the pain, and suffering, and stress I ever caused you. I'm sorry for everything.

(no subject)

in
I miss the way things were Freshman year. When Laura and I were best friends... before I made her look bad over and over and over... When I still had friends... lots of them... not just a few... when I fit in with other people. I miss how I was happy everyday... and I looked forward to waking up everyday. I miss the happiness I once felt. I miss it all. Packing things up to move has brought floods of memories of my happy times back. I had just gotten over the loss of dad... was happy... was fitting in... then I fucked it all up... like I do everything *sighs* Now life is going downhill so fast its rediculous... I'm losing all my friends because of my actions... I failed english some how... I'm become a loser... a failure. Everything I do ends in disaster. I can't find love... I can't find companionship... I can't find mental stimulation. I have lost my inspiration to write... Reading no longer is pleasurable to me... as a matter of fact I am growing to hate the written word... the one thing I thought I would never hate... As the summer folds out... while it is still young... I find that I hate my life with a passion... I wish it could be the way it once was... but that will never happen... I have fucked to many people over and fucked to many things up. My life crumbles more and more everyday... my few friends are left just to watch me become a shell of what I once was... all I can hope for is that it doesn't cause their lives to deteriorate or crumble any... that when the me I once was totally dies and all that is left is my body and a lost soul... that they live happily... and go un-affected by my loss of interest in everything... To all the people I've ever hurt I'm sorry... Especially to Laura... I'm sorry for all the pain, and suffering, and stress I ever caused you. I'm sorry for everything.
in
This is a list of things NOT to talk about or say online..

heh...

heh...

CDC, DOE, FMS, HPCC, NTIS, SEL, USCODE, CISE, SIRC, CIM, ISN, DJC, SGC, 1997, Whitewater, MOD, York, plutonium, William Gates, clone, BATF, SGDN, 312, NB, CBM, CTP, Sardine, SBIRS, SGDN, ADIU, DEADBEEF, IDP, IDF, Halibut, 3B2, BITNET, COSMOS, DATTA, E911, FCIC, HTCIA, IACIS, UT/RUS, JANET, JICC, 868, GCHQ, DITSA, SORT, AMEMB, NSG, HIC, EDI, SAS, SBS, UDT, GOE, DOE, GEO, afsatcom, CQB, NVD, Counter Terrorism Security, Rapid Reaction, Corporate ARC, S.E.T. Team, MP5k, DREC, DEVGRP, DF, DSD, FDM, GRU, LRTS, SIGDEV, ASIO, Lebed, ICE, NRO, Lexis-Nexis, NSCT, SCIF, FLiR, Lacrosse, Flashbangs, basement, data-haven, black-bag, TEMPSET, Goodwin, rebels, ID, MD5, IDEA, Blackbird, plutonium, Texas, jihad, SDI, Uzi, Fort Meade, supercomputer, bullion, 3, Blackmednet, Propaganda, ABC, Satellite phones, Planet-1,card, b9, fraud, assassinate, virus, anarchy, rogue, mailbomb, 888, Chelsea, Coderpunks, TRW, remailers, replay, redheads, RX-7, explicit, FLAME, Competitor, EO, Chan, Alouette, executive, Event Security, Mace, Cap-Stun, Compsec 97, LLC, DERA, Mavricks, Meta-hackers, ^?, Steve Case, Tools, Telex, Corporation, Wackenhut, EO, Wackendude, mol, Hillal, GGL, CTU, botux, Counterterrorism, spies, eavesdropping, debugging, interception, COCOT, cryptanalysis, nuclear, FBI, Panama, fissionable, Sears Tower, NORAD, Delta, DSD, BVD, 1984, Flintlock, cybercash, government, hate, speedbump, Egret, Iris, Hollyhock, Jasmine, Juile, Vinnell, B.D.M., Sphinx, Stephanie, espionage, PI, TSCI, industrial intelligence, H.N.P., Juiliett Class, Fetish, Yobie, CTP, CATO, Phon-e, Chicago Posse, l0ck, spook keywords, PLA, FIS, MSW, Spyderco, UOP, SSCI, NIMA, MOIS, SVR, SIN, advisors, SAP, OAU, Force, SEAL, virtual, Dolch, secure shell, screws, Black-Ops, Area51, SABC, garbage, market, beef, Stego, unclassified, utopia, orthodox, Alica, SHA, Global, gorilla, Bob, Pseudonyms, MITM, Gray Data, VLSI, mega, Leitrim, GSG-9, 22nd SAS, GEOS, EADA, BBE, STEP, Echelon, Dictionary, MD2, MD4, MDA, Hackers, Encryption, Espionage, USDOJ, NSA, CIA, S/Key, SSL, FBI, Secret, Harvard, 1080H, SWS, Asset, Satellite imagery, force, Cypherpunks, HRT, DIA, USCOI, CID, BOP, FINCEN, FLETC, NIJ, ACC, AFSPC, BMDO, NAVWAN, illuminati, president, freedom, cocaine, $, Roswell, ESN, COS, E.T., credit, Indigo, wire transfer, e-cash, Bubba the Love Sponge, Digicash, zip, SWAT, Information Warfare, Offensive Information, Offensive Information Warfare, Intiso, r00t, lock picking, Beyond Hope, csystems, passwd, 2600 Magazine, Ionosphere, Mole, Keyhole, Kilderkin, Artichoke, Badger, Cornflower, Daisy, IRS, GRU, RUOP, GSS, NSP, SRI, Ronco, Armani, BOSS, Chobetsu, FBIS, BND, LUK, Cohiba, Soros, Standford, niche, 51, H&K, USP, ^, sardine, bank, EUB, Lynch, 414, Face, Pixar, IRIDF, eternity server, Skytel, Yukon, Templeton, M72750, Salsa, 7, Blowfish, Gorelick, Glock, Ft. Meade, press-release, Macintosh Internet Security, Macintosh Firewalls, Unix Security, VIP, Masuda, Forte, AT, GIGN, Exon Shell, CQB, CONUS, CTU, RCMP, GRU, SASR, MF, VHF, UHF, SHF, SASP, WANK, Colonel, domestic disruption, smuggle, 15kg, Military Intelligence, Scully, Flame, Infowar, Bubba, Freeh, Archives, MYK, 747,777, 767, MI5, 737, MI6, 757, Kh-11, Shayet-13, SADMS, Spetznaz, NACSI, PSAC, PTT, RFI, SIGDASYS, TDM. SUKLO, SUSLO, TELINT, TEXTA. ELF, LF, National Information Infrastructure, InfoSec, Reno, Compsec, Computer, Nike, Atlas, Delta, TWA, Kiwi, PGP 2.6.2., PGP 5.0i, PGP 5.1, siliconpimp, nitrate, Pretoria, M-14, enigma, Bletchley Park, Clandestine, nkvd, argus, NRL, RL, NAVWCWPNS, NSWC, USAFA, AHPCRC, ARPA, LABLINK, USACIL, USCG, NRC, Ortega, PPP, crypto-anarchy, AT&T, SGI, SUN, MCI, Blacknet, Middleman, KLM, PEM, RSA, Perl-RSA, MSNBC, bet, AOL, AOL TOS, CIS, CBOT, AIMSX, STARLAN, penrep, racal, OTP, OSS, Blowpipe, CCS, GSA, Kilo Class, squib, primacord, PFS, Aladdin, chameleon man, Hutsul, CESID, Bess, rail gun, Peering, 17, pink noise, CRA, M.P.R.I., top secret, Mossberg, 50BMG, Macintosh Security, Pornstars, AVN, Playboy, Anonymous, Sex, chaining, codes, Nuclear, 20, Privacy, Information Terrorism, Terrorism Defensive Information, Defense, Protection, SIG, sweep, Medco, TRD, TDR, sweeping, TELINT, Audiotel, quiche, DES, 1*, NATIA, NATOA, sneakers, counterintelligence, industrial, Recce, 707, CIO, NOCS, Halcon, Duress, RAID, Psyops, grom, D-11, SERT, VIP, Reflection, Spoke, Talent, Trump, FX, FXR, IMF, POCSAG, Covert Video, ReMOB, LEETAC, UTU, VNET, BRLO, BZ, CANSLO, CBNRC, CIDA, JAVA, Active X, rhost, rhosts, SETA, Amherst, Broadside, Capricorn, Gamma, Gorizont, Guppy, RSP, Becker, Nerd, fangs, Austin, Comirex, GPMG, Speakeasy, humint, GEODSS, Security, Police, sniper, PPS, ASIS, ASLET, TSCM, Security Consulting, High Security, Security Evaluation, Electronic Surveillance, MI-17, Service, USSS, Defcon, Military, White House, Undercover, NCCS, Mayfly, PGP, SISDE, FSB, BfV, IB, froglegs, JITEM, SADF, advise, TUSA, HoHoCon, SISMI, SONANGOL, Flu, &, Loin, PGP 5.53, EG&G, AIEWS, AMW, WORM, MP5K-SD, 1071, SORO, M5, ANC, zone, SBI, DSS, S.A.I.C., Minox, Keyhole, SAR, Rand, stakeout, ninja, ASIS, ISA, EOD, Oscor, Merlin, NTT, SL-1, Rolm, TIE, Submarine, Locks, loch, Ingram Mac-10, sigvoice, ssa, E.O.D., SEMTEX, subversives, SLIP, toad, fish, data havens, unix, c, a, b, d, the, Elvis, Sundevil, jack, Investigation, ISACA, NCSA, spook words, Verisign, Secure, TDYC, W3, CUD, CdC, Weekly World News, Zen, World Domination, Dead, GRU, Terrorism, Firewalls, Secure Internet Connections, ISS, Passwords, DefCon V, Tie-fighter, PBX, SLI, NTT, MSCJ, MIT, 69, RIT, Time, MSEE, Cable, UKUSA, veggie, 3848, Morwenstow, Consul, Oratory, Pine Gap, Menwith, Mantis, UNCPCJ, CFC, DREO, CDA, DRA, SHAPE, SACLANT, BECCA, DCJFTF, HALO, HAHO, FKS, USP, PCS, NRO, Red Cell, Glock 26, snuffle, Patel, package, ISI, INR, INS, Virii, CCC, Blacklisted 411, Internet Underground, XS4ALL, Retinal, Fetish, Waihopai, INFOSEC, Information Security, Information Warfare, IW, IS, WINGS, cdi, DynCorp, UXO, Ti, THAAD, package, chosen, PRIME, SURVIAC, Wireless, CSE, Embassy, ETA, Porno, Fax, finks, Fax encryption, white noise, Yakima, Sugar Grove, Cowboy, Gist, 8182, Gatt, Platform, 1911, Geraldton,

(no subject)

in
This is a list of things NOT to talk about or say online..
heh...
heh...
CDC, DOE, FMS, HPCC, NTIS, SEL, USCODE, CISE, SIRC, CIM, ISN, DJC, SGC, 1997, Whitewater, MOD, York, plutonium, William Gates, clone, BATF, SGDN, 312, NB, CBM, CTP, Sardine, SBIRS, SGDN, ADIU, DEADBEEF, IDP, IDF, Halibut, 3B2, BITNET, COSMOS, DATTA, E911, FCIC, HTCIA, IACIS, UT/RUS, JANET, JICC, 868, GCHQ, DITSA, SORT, AMEMB, NSG, HIC, EDI, SAS, SBS, UDT, GOE, DOE, GEO, afsatcom, CQB, NVD, Counter Terrorism Security, Rapid Reaction, Corporate ARC, S.E.T. Team, MP5k, DREC, DEVGRP, DF, DSD, FDM, GRU, LRTS, SIGDEV, ASIO, Lebed, ICE, NRO, Lexis-Nexis, NSCT, SCIF, FLiR, Lacrosse, Flashbangs, basement, data-haven, black-bag, TEMPSET, Goodwin, rebels, ID, MD5, IDEA, Blackbird, plutonium, Texas, jihad, SDI, Uzi, Fort Meade, supercomputer, bullion, 3, Blackmednet, Propaganda, ABC, Satellite phones, Planet-1,card, b9, fraud, assassinate, virus, anarchy, rogue, mailbomb, 888, Chelsea, Coderpunks, TRW, remailers, replay, redheads, RX-7, explicit, FLAME, Competitor, EO, Chan, Alouette, executive, Event Security, Mace, Cap-Stun, Compsec 97, LLC, DERA, Mavricks, Meta-hackers, ^?, Steve Case, Tools, Telex, Corporation, Wackenhut, EO, Wackendude, mol, Hillal, GGL, CTU, botux, Counterterrorism, spies, eavesdropping, debugging, interception, COCOT, cryptanalysis, nuclear, FBI, Panama, fissionable, Sears Tower, NORAD, Delta, DSD, BVD, 1984, Flintlock, cybercash, government, hate, speedbump, Egret, Iris, Hollyhock, Jasmine, Juile, Vinnell, B.D.M., Sphinx, Stephanie, espionage, PI, TSCI, industrial intelligence, H.N.P., Juiliett Class, Fetish, Yobie, CTP, CATO, Phon-e, Chicago Posse, l0ck, spook keywords, PLA, FIS, MSW, Spyderco, UOP, SSCI, NIMA, MOIS, SVR, SIN, advisors, SAP, OAU, Force, SEAL, virtual, Dolch, secure shell, screws, Black-Ops, Area51, SABC, garbage, market, beef, Stego, unclassified, utopia, orthodox, Alica, SHA, Global, gorilla, Bob, Pseudonyms, MITM, Gray Data, VLSI, mega, Leitrim, GSG-9, 22nd SAS, GEOS, EADA, BBE, STEP, Echelon, Dictionary, MD2, MD4, MDA, Hackers, Encryption, Espionage, USDOJ, NSA, CIA, S/Key, SSL, FBI, Secret, Harvard, 1080H, SWS, Asset, Satellite imagery, force, Cypherpunks, HRT, DIA, USCOI, CID, BOP, FINCEN, FLETC, NIJ, ACC, AFSPC, BMDO, NAVWAN, illuminati, president, freedom, cocaine, $, Roswell, ESN, COS, E.T., credit, Indigo, wire transfer, e-cash, Bubba the Love Sponge, Digicash, zip, SWAT, Information Warfare, Offensive Information, Offensive Information Warfare, Intiso, r00t, lock picking, Beyond Hope, csystems, passwd, 2600 Magazine, Ionosphere, Mole, Keyhole, Kilderkin, Artichoke, Badger, Cornflower, Daisy, IRS, GRU, RUOP, GSS, NSP, SRI, Ronco, Armani, BOSS, Chobetsu, FBIS, BND, LUK, Cohiba, Soros, Standford, niche, 51, H&K, USP, ^, sardine, bank, EUB, Lynch, 414, Face, Pixar, IRIDF, eternity server, Skytel, Yukon, Templeton, M72750, Salsa, 7, Blowfish, Gorelick, Glock, Ft. Meade, press-release, Macintosh Internet Security, Macintosh Firewalls, Unix Security, VIP, Masuda, Forte, AT, GIGN, Exon Shell, CQB, CONUS, CTU, RCMP, GRU, SASR, MF, VHF, UHF, SHF, SASP, WANK, Colonel, domestic disruption, smuggle, 15kg, Military Intelligence, Scully, Flame, Infowar, Bubba, Freeh, Archives, MYK, 747,777, 767, MI5, 737, MI6, 757, Kh-11, Shayet-13, SADMS, Spetznaz, NACSI, PSAC, PTT, RFI, SIGDASYS, TDM. SUKLO, SUSLO, TELINT, TEXTA. ELF, LF, National Information Infrastructure, InfoSec, Reno, Compsec, Computer, Nike, Atlas, Delta, TWA, Kiwi, PGP 2.6.2., PGP 5.0i, PGP 5.1, siliconpimp, nitrate, Pretoria, M-14, enigma, Bletchley Park, Clandestine, nkvd, argus, NRL, RL, NAVWCWPNS, NSWC, USAFA, AHPCRC, ARPA, LABLINK, USACIL, USCG, NRC, Ortega, PPP, crypto-anarchy, AT&T, SGI, SUN, MCI, Blacknet, Middleman, KLM, PEM, RSA, Perl-RSA, MSNBC, bet, AOL, AOL TOS, CIS, CBOT, AIMSX, STARLAN, penrep, racal, OTP, OSS, Blowpipe, CCS, GSA, Kilo Class, squib, primacord, PFS, Aladdin, chameleon man, Hutsul, CESID, Bess, rail gun, Peering, 17, pink noise, CRA, M.P.R.I., top secret, Mossberg, 50BMG, Macintosh Security, Pornstars, AVN, Playboy, Anonymous, Sex, chaining, codes, Nuclear, 20, Privacy, Information Terrorism, Terrorism Defensive Information, Defense, Protection, SIG, sweep, Medco, TRD, TDR, sweeping, TELINT, Audiotel, quiche, DES, 1*, NATIA, NATOA, sneakers, counterintelligence, industrial, Recce, 707, CIO, NOCS, Halcon, Duress, RAID, Psyops, grom, D-11, SERT, VIP, Reflection, Spoke, Talent, Trump, FX, FXR, IMF, POCSAG, Covert Video, ReMOB, LEETAC, UTU, VNET, BRLO, BZ, CANSLO, CBNRC, CIDA, JAVA, Active X, rhost, rhosts, SETA, Amherst, Broadside, Capricorn, Gamma, Gorizont, Guppy, RSP, Becker, Nerd, fangs, Austin, Comirex, GPMG, Speakeasy, humint, GEODSS, Security, Police, sniper, PPS, ASIS, ASLET, TSCM, Security Consulting, High Security, Security Evaluation, Electronic Surveillance, MI-17, Service, USSS, Defcon, Military, White House, Undercover, NCCS, Mayfly, PGP, SISDE, FSB, BfV, IB, froglegs, JITEM, SADF, advise, TUSA, HoHoCon, SISMI, SONANGOL, Flu, &, Loin, PGP 5.53, EG&G, AIEWS, AMW, WORM, MP5K-SD, 1071, SORO, M5, ANC, zone, SBI, DSS, S.A.I.C., Minox, Keyhole, SAR, Rand, stakeout, ninja, ASIS, ISA, EOD, Oscor, Merlin, NTT, SL-1, Rolm, TIE, Submarine, Locks, loch, Ingram Mac-10, sigvoice, ssa, E.O.D., SEMTEX, subversives, SLIP, toad, fish, data havens, unix, c, a, b, d, the, Elvis, Sundevil, jack, Investigation, ISACA, NCSA, spook words, Verisign, Secure, TDYC, W3, CUD, CdC, Weekly World News, Zen, World Domination, Dead, GRU, Terrorism, Firewalls, Secure Internet Connections, ISS, Passwords, DefCon V, Tie-fighter, PBX, SLI, NTT, MSCJ, MIT, 69, RIT, Time, MSEE, Cable, UKUSA, veggie, 3848, Morwenstow, Consul, Oratory, Pine Gap, Menwith, Mantis, UNCPCJ, CFC, DREO, CDA, DRA, SHAPE, SACLANT, BECCA, DCJFTF, HALO, HAHO, FKS, USP, PCS, NRO, Red Cell, Glock 26, snuffle, Patel, package, ISI, INR, INS, Virii, CCC, Blacklisted 411, Internet Underground, XS4ALL, Retinal, Fetish, Waihopai, INFOSEC, Information Security, Information Warfare, IW, IS, WINGS, cdi, DynCorp, UXO, Ti, THAAD, package, chosen, PRIME, SURVIAC, Wireless, CSE, Embassy, ETA, Porno, Fax, finks, Fax encryption, white noise, Yakima, Sugar Grove, Cowboy, Gist, 8182, Gatt, Platform, 1911, Geraldton,