I miss the way things were Freshman year. When Laura and I were best friends... before I made her look bad over and over and over... When I still had friends... lots of them... not just a few... when I fit in with other people. I miss how I was happy everyday... and I looked forward to waking up everyday. I miss the happiness I once felt. I miss it all. Packing things up to move has brought floods of memories of my happy times back. I had just gotten over the loss of dad... was happy... was fitting in... then I fucked it all up... like I do everything *sighs* Now life is going downhill so fast its rediculous... I'm losing all my friends because of my actions... I failed english some how... I'm become a loser... a failure. Everything I do ends in disaster. I can't find love... I can't find companionship... I can't find mental stimulation. I have lost my inspiration to write... Reading no longer is pleasurable to me... as a matter of fact I am growing to hate the written word... the one thing I thought I would never hate... As the summer folds out... while it is still young... I find that I hate my life with a passion... I wish it could be the way it once was... but that will never happen... I have fucked to many people over and fucked to many things up. My life crumbles more and more everyday... my few friends are left just to watch me become a shell of what I once was... all I can hope for is that it doesn't cause their lives to deteriorate or crumble any... that when the me I once was totally dies and all that is left is my body and a lost soul... that they live happily... and go un-affected by my loss of interest in everything... To all the people I've ever hurt I'm sorry... Especially to Laura... I'm sorry for all the pain, and suffering, and stress I ever caused you. I'm sorry for everything.