(no subject)

in
Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. And all this time, you thought that was a vulgar expression, didn't you? You must send this fabulous bit of historical knowledge to at least ten unsuspecting friends. If you don't, your hard drive is going to fall off and kill your mouse.

(no subject)

in
Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. And all this time, you thought that was a vulgar expression, didn't you? You must send this fabulous bit of historical knowledge to at least ten unsuspecting friends. If you don't, your hard drive is going to fall off and kill your mouse.

(no subject)

in
Handsome, tender, soft,
why do you look right through me.
Thinking, no I cant deny my feelings.
Growing, strong I tried
to keep believing, dreaming on.
And every time I see you I cry more,
I want to hold you closer, closer, closer, closer.
But you leave me feeling frozen.
I can be all you need.
Wont you please stay with me
Choking making motion,
I try to keep on hoping for a way,
a reason for a softer common close.
I long for you to hold me like a boyfriend does.
And though my dream is slowly fading,
I want to be the object, object, object, object,
Of your passions body hopeless.
I can be all you need.
Wont you please stay with me

hahah britney spears got married yesterday....

in
hahah britney spears got married yesterday....
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (AP) -- Pop star Britney Spears marched down the aisle in Las Vegas on Saturday, marrying a childhood friend from Louisiana, according to news reports.
The 22-year-old diva married Jason Allen Alexander early Saturday at the Little White Wedding Chapel on the Strip, according to People.com, the online arm of the Time Warner publication. He is from Kentwood, Louisiana, it said.
The Las Vegas Review-Journal reported on its Web site that Spears and Alexander, 22, were granted a marriage license, citing an affidavit of Application for Marriage License filed Jan. 3.
Calls to Spears' representatives were not immediately returned.
The bride wore jeans and baseball cap, according to People.com, and had a hotel bellman walk her down the aisle.
People.com reported that Spears and Alexander journeyed to the Little White Wedding Chapel after a stop at the Ghostbar, a club in the Palms Casino Hotel. It reported that the chapel staff told the couple that they couldn't get married without a license, so they were reportedly taken by the limo to the Clark County Marriage Bureau office in the downtown Las Vegas courthouse. They applied for and were granted the marriage license, then driven back to the chapel, where they were married.
Spears released her fourth album "In the Zone" in November. It debuted at the top of the album charts. She begins a concert tour March 2 in San Diego.

(no subject)

in
Grandpa Joe:
I never thought my life could be
Anything but catastrophe
But suddenly I begin to see
A bit of good luck for me
'Cause I've got a golden ticket
I've got a golden twinkle in my eye
I never had a chance to shine
Never a happy song to sing
But suddenly half the world is mine
What an amazing thing
'Cause I've got a golden ticket
[Spoken]
It's ours, Charlie!
[Sung]
I've got a golden sun up in the sky
I never thought I'd see the day
When I would face the world and say
Good morning, look at the sun
I never thought that I would be
Slap in the lap of luxury
'Cause I'd have said:
Charlie:
It couldn't be done
Grandpa Joe:
But it can be done
I never dreamed that I would climb
Over the moon in ecstasy
But nevertheless, it's there that I'm
Shortly about to be
Grandpa Joe and Charlie:
'Cause I've got a golden ticket
I've got a golden chance to make my way
And with a golden ticket, it's a golden day
Grandpa Joe:
[Spoken]
Good morning, look at the sun!
Grandpa Joe and Charlie:
[Sung]
'Cause I'd have said,
It couldn't be done
Grandpa Joe:
But it can be done
I never dreamed that I would climb
Over the moon in ecstasy
But nevertheless, it's there that I'm
Shortly about to be
'Cause I've got a golden ticket
Grandpa Joe and Charlie:
'Cause I've got a golden ticket
I've got a golden chance to make my way
And with a golden ticket, it's a golden day

NO!!! I'll be without blue m&m's for a while!!

in
In a marketing gimmick reminiscent of the gold ticket in "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," M&M's will run a contest in 2004 which will offer six grand prizes and for a brief period strip the world famous candy of its color.
M&M's plans to phase out color in 2004 - the "official" announcement will be made on "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve" on ABC - in what the company is calling the biggest transformation in its 60 year history. M&M's spokesman Jeffrey Moran said the New Year's Eve announcement is timed to "turn over a new leaf and start a new phase."

TRUE STORY

in
"Are you kidding" the girl behind the teller window said to a man standing on the other side of the glass who had handed her an envelope that said ROBBERY.... Here's what made the teller balk: The scalp around the robbers cap was bald and liver-spotted; the body under his shirt was thin and stooped. ONe of the other tellers would tell the police he looked to be in his seeventies or eighties; the teller he robbed thought he was about 90. They were off by at least a decade; Roundtree, known as Red to almost everyone who knows him, was born in 1911- just one year after Bonnie and two years after Clyde. He was married at 20, a millionaire at 50, bankrupt at 60, widowed at 70; and only then, when most men are luxuriating in the relief of their retirement, did Red Roundtree begin his second career. He began robbing banks in his eighties, he was finishing up a three-year sentence in a federal prison in Floriday when he was 90, and when he walked out of the bank in Abilene with an envelope full of cash and the cops already alerted, he was a full 91 years old, and he wasn't kidding. Not at all. JL Hunter Roundtree doesn't see the harm in his crimes; "Okate, it's stealing," he says, "But it's FUN stealing"
reading this in gq right now... kinda awesome...

(no subject)

in
Uptown girl
She's been living in her uptown world
I bet she never had a back street guy
I bet her mama never told her why
I'm gonna try for an uptown girl
She's been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now she's looking for a downtown man
That's what I am
And when she knows what
She wants from her time
And when she wakes up
And makes up her mind
She'll see I'm not so tough
Just because
I'm in love with an uptown girl
You know I've seen her in her uptown world
She's getting tired of her high class toys
And all her presents from her uptown boys
She's got a choice
Uptown girl
You know I can't afford to buy her pearls
But maybe someday when my ship comes in
She'll understand what kind of guy I've been
And then I'll win
And when she's walking
She's looking so fine
And when she's talking
She'll say that she's mine
She'll say I'm not so tough
Just because
I'm in love
With and uptown girl
She's been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now she's looking for a downtown man
That's what I am
Uptown girl
She's my uptown girl
You know I'm in love
With an uptown girl
She's my uptown girl
Don't You know I'm in love
With an uptown girl
My uptown girl
Don't You know I'm in love
With an uptown girl
She's my uptown girl

(no subject)

in
Uptown girl
She's been living in her uptown world
I bet she never had a back street guy
I bet her mama never told her why
I'm gonna try for an uptown girl
She's been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now she's looking for a downtown man
That's what I am
And when she knows what
She wants from her time
And when she wakes up
And makes up her mind
She'll see I'm not so tough
Just because
I'm in love with an uptown girl
You know I've seen her in her uptown world
She's getting tired of her high class toys
And all her presents from her uptown boys
She's got a choice
Uptown girl
You know I can't afford to buy her pearls
But maybe someday when my ship comes in
She'll understand what kind of guy I've been
And then I'll win
And when she's walking
She's looking so fine
And when she's talking
She'll say that she's mine
She'll say I'm not so tough
Just because
I'm in love
With and uptown girl
She's been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now she's looking for a downtown man
That's what I am
Uptown girl
She's my uptown girl
You know I'm in love
With an uptown girl
She's my uptown girl
Don't You know I'm in love
With an uptown girl
My uptown girl
Don't You know I'm in love
With an uptown girl
She's my uptown girl

mwahahah

in
School shooting calculator.
Here's how you did:
You have a 50% chance of shooting up your school.
You will kill:
32 teachers
28 students
12 police officers
You will wound 140 others.
It will happen like this:
You will go to your first lesson and sneak out early. You and your friends will weld every door shut, set off the fire alarm and smoke bomb the halls. Many alarmed children and teachers will come running into the dense smoke. You will pull out your rocket launcher and begin firing into the crowd, shooting at everyone. There will be lots of screaming and blood. Shortly after, the police will arrive and attempt to take you out, but not until you've killed a decent amount of students and faculty. You will then shoot your friends and escape elaborately.
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