Ryan Mercer's Thoughts

2011

3-8-2011

Let's see... another year Dad... not much happened really. End of last year a friend was diagnosed with Leukemia, is still alive, but has only had one round of Chemo and still needs some more so their fight isn't over yet. I didn't get the vacation I want for the 5th year in a row, uh... still single, no kids, no new vehicle, no new living situation, really just nothing happened this past year. In 3 days on your anniversary I get to go see the last film from a director I like at Clowes and then he's doing a Q&A after so that should be fun, but it IS happening durnig March so I'm sure disaster will happen somewhere. Second week of March and it's going quite lousy already. I guess life just slows down as you get older. Still miss you as much as ever.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave bereft

I am not there. I have not left.

2010

3-1-2010

Well Dad, your anniversary is coming up again... 10 days to go... what happened this year, let's see.

Bought 2 SKS and have been firing them at Danville conservation club, had a taurus revolver for a bit then traded it (for one of the sks), dated a woman with 2 kids for a few months only to get a Dear John letter in less than 120 characters... so ended the hopes and dreams of a nearly 12 year interest. I moved out to be closer to her, then moved back in a few weeks after that ended.

Started growing a beard in December of 09, cut several inches off of it a few days ago after an IMPD (the mergd result of the Marion Co. Sherrifs and IPD) officer profiled me and followed me around k-mart, wearing it fairly short now and it looks respectable.

The truck has exhaust issues so it's been parked since about June, been driving a 2005 Dodge Neon since. Quite possibly in the next month or two a law will be ont he books making employers allow employees to carry to work if it's secured in their car... if this happens I'll be putting a shotgun mount in the trunk and putting a pump-action pistol grip in the trunk.

The Colts made it to the Superbowl again, lost this time though. Other than that not much new this past year... still haven't continued the family name, and don't have anyone willing to be the mother of the next Mercer male. Until next year, I miss you dad.

2009

3-3-2009

Dad,

We have a new president, Barack Hussein Obama II, his father was Kenyan, his mother American and their is still a dispute and many lawsuits over the fact that he has not proven that he was born in Hawaii as claimed, and that in fact he may have been born in Kenya, when his mother was a minor making him not a natural-born citizen, so not capable of being president.

I had a good year I suppose, we buried Grandpa Jack in December, he fell while cleaning windows and then suffered a stroke in the hospital, by the time I found out and went to see him he was already mostly gone. He passed a little after. Dick told some fun stories at the funeral, including the story of you two and the mushroom.

The mushroom! I have the mushroom! For whatever reason there was no will, and Marilyn auctioned the house and everything in it off, however Dick grabbed the mushroom for me and it is now in the living room and I see it every day. It will be a fun story for my children and grand-children when I get around to having them.

I went over and visited with Dick for several hours one day, that is when he gave me the mushroom. I now have him writing down everything he can think of as far as my ancestors so I can work on the Mercer branch of the family tree. I had good luck on Mary's maternal side and traced them back to the mid 1700's, turns out someone on that line fought for a PA infantry company in the Revolution.

That is really all I have this year, it seems I have less to talk about every year as I get older and big events in my life come less often. 8 more days and it will have been 11 years... I miss you. The only thing I have this year to look forward to is I plan on going and camping at a very large Medieval Re-enactment type thing for a week with Josh (a friend I met through Aaron after you died, ah and I don't see Aaron any more, and seldom hear from him on the internet) Seeing Jack in the hospital was hard as he was on the same floor as you, and he was just a shell. I don't think he had any idea who I was, or anyone else for that matter. I miss you dad.

-Ryan Carl Mercer.

2008

3-10-2008

Well dad... tomorrow it will have been 10 years. I miss you.

Lets see... what has happened this past year... 356 days ago I said "Joe isn't doing all that great, I imagine he'll be joining you sometime this year." turns out I was right Joe died, I"m sure he's up there with you. I did some more York Rite work, have been inactive in Blue Lodge and the other bodies... maybe I'll get involved this year, I don't know though... You know me, I'm fairly solitary.. The new dog is still weird, she's quite a character, it's best just to imagine a wild breed of dog, as despite being one fo the oldest domesticated breeds... Basenji's are still very much like wild dogs, and it can even be argued if they were ever even domesticated. I don't really talk to Aaron anymore... we haven't really seen each other much in several years. I've probably seen him a dozen times in 3 or 4 years. We just went different ways.I'm working for FedEx... I was last year at this time... I've had some offers for other jobs, and as much better as they would have been... for some reason i've stayed where I am just becuase my co-workers are fun, although they are quitting at a fairly steady pace.

Not a whole lot really went on this past year. Joe died, I found out two months and two days after it happened. He was there at your funeral, but I didn't get to be at his becuase I just didn't know. Damnit I feel like I failed him... I hadn't heard from him in a few months (you see we electronically mialed each other every few weeks) and one night I was in bed and just had a weird feeling... I got up, emailed him instantly... and it returned undeliverable, but before it could I had already found his obituary and was crying pretty bad. Tell him I'm sorry that I never made it up to Fort Wayne, I promised him all the time after you died that I'd come up and we'd have lunch... I never made it up, and I missed his funeral. It was private anyway. Tell him I'll make it up to him many many years from now when I join you two rascals up there. Here is what is left of him amonst the living "JOSEPH B. PRONESTI, 78, of Fort Wayne, died Friday, June 22, 2007, at Hospice Home. He was born on July 23, 1928, in Fort Wayne. He served in the U.S. Navy, and was Deputy Sheriff for the Allen County Sheriff Department for 22 years, retiring in 1992. Surviving are his sons,Joseph M. (Karen) Pronesti, Bruce Pronesti and Doug Pronesti; family member, Lisa Miller; and grandchildren, Nicholas Pronesti and Taylor Pronesti. He was preceded in death by his wife, Ruth (Cronkite); and his parents, Vincenzina (Morille) and Pasquale Pronesti. Private service. Burial in Catholic Cemetery. Memorials to Visiting Nurse and Hospice Home.

Well, here it is past my bedtime and I'm crying. It's been another long and hard year without you dad. I miss you and while I hope I have many many long years alive, I can't wait to see you again.

Your son,

-Ryan Carl Mercer.

2007

3-1-2007

Well dad, 10 more days till your anniversary... not much has happened this year. Not much at all, I decided to do york rite instead of scottish rite. I wanted to see the lectures acted out more instead of just read through. Joe isn't doing all that great, I imagine he'll be joining you sometime this year. Lets see, we have new dog, she is kinda weird. Billy is living with us again for a bit and that is really about all that is new.

Yeah I know, these pics are pretty fuzzy, but can you believe this... I took pictures of the photos with my TELEPHONE! Yeah, you got it my TELEPHONE can you believe that, oh man these phones now days are crazy.

Haha that is your pi license from 1978 wow, weren't you a suave looking guy.

Wow that sure was a windy day outside of Grandpa Jack's!

Not sure when this was taken, I'd have to say late 80's/early 90's... I didn't even know about this photo untill after you had passed. There are 2 framed copies of this in the house, one when you walk in... one on my tv stand watching over me as I sleep, mom has a copy at work and Billy even has one.

You were sick there... you both are now gone, I miss you both... I miss you both so much.

2006

3-11-2006

Mark A. Mercer

Well dad, it has been 8 years now. I miss you, we put Mila to sleep on August 2nd, I imagine she's up there with you. We got a new dog a few months ago, her name is Anastasia, Ana for short... this dog is insanely hyper, is a chewer, chews on anything and everything she finds outside... she eats trash, not food out of the trash... actual trash. She's not Mila, not at all. I was raised as a MM finally last year, I haven't been active since then. Everyone is so much older and it just isn't enjoyable. I'm still driving the t100, it's got a little over 122k on it now, I'm hoping it'll last another 2-3 years so I can buy another toyota truck. I was going to buy a house, and got approved for 70k... but nothing in Speedway for that price range. I've been at this job with DHS (never told you about Homeland Security, it was made after the terrorist attacks that leveled the World Trade buildings and also took out a portion of the Pentagon and a a 4th plane was downed in a field on setember 11th 2001.)... I'm an accounting tech and it is an insanely boring job. We start observing daylight savings this year. IPD and MCSD merged and they become one department sometime soon. The colts almost made it to the Super Bowl and are getting a new stadium. The State Police lowered their recruiting standards, then a few months later decided that they are instead going to try and recruit people who lose jobs when the IPD/MCSD merger takes effect. I still want to be a LEO but I've got a lot of weight to lose still. I don't know if Speedway has any openings or if they will anytime soon, but I wouldn't mind working for them, however doing State Police is my dream. Billy is going to school for Criminal Justice down in Columbus. He wants to be a LEO too but his record will probably keep him from doing it, unless he gets on with some county mounties in a small county or on some small town pD. Joe still isn't doing too well. Grandpa Jack has stopped doing presents for christmas to everyone, and is starting to get pretty bad healthwise. Haven't heard from Kurt or Dough since you died, I've seen Kurt 2 or 3 times but thats about it. Melvin Carroway isn't ISP super anymore, he took some private job somewhere in Vegas I believe. I miss you. I can't believe it has been 8 years, I really can't. I wish you were still here, we could go to lodge meetings and suppers together, you'd love this Battle Field 2 video game on the computer, there have been some great movies. Some crazy things have happened since you've been gone, gas went past 3.50 a gallon for a while last year after a chain of events happened by hurricanes, the 9/11 attacks, and some other stuff. I also found these interesting vacations you would have loved. Be a spy for a few days, or an urban commando, or dive with sharks, take a tour of a seabed in an observation sub, do a HALO jump, take a ride in the vomit comet and experience weightlessnes, stunt driving... a public smoking ban went into effect in Marion County and Carmel not too long ago, one goes into effect in Greenwood soon, I imagine Avon and Plainfield will follow soon. I know I haven't visited you in a while... but like the Mary Frye poem I read at your funeral...

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glint on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,

I am the swift, uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there, I do not sleep.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there, I did not die!

I get emotional when I visit it, and I know you wouldn't want that. I miss you dad.

2005

3-16-2005

Mark. A. Mercer

Dad, it's been 7 years and 5 days now... since you died. I thought that it would get easier every year... as I adjusted to you being gone. However it only seems to be getting worse, as I have said in the past, because you aren't here for so much, I'm starting to make my life better, I have an Associates Degree, I have a security clearence and a Federal job... I plan on going back for my bachelors and pursuing a job with the State Police and Ultimately the USSS or the FBI. I want to apologize, apologize for 7 years and 5 days ago today. When I held your hand, and held you as you died. I apologize for making you fight on, for not wanting you to leave us. You could hear my voice, and as long as I talked your heart fought to stay beating because you didn't want death to take you. Finally I stopped talking to let you go, I'm sorry for stopping talking, Maybe my voice was helping you, maybe without it there you were afraid. I guess I won't find out for quite some time, untill I make it to heaven. I can only hope that you met God and weren't afraid, or sorry. 7 days to go and I'll be 20... I drive your truck... Fishing Truck #2... oh man you should have seen this truck I had a little bit ago... it was a 67 chevy c-10 and was the factory red paint and it had faded to this really neat orange. You held on as long as you could, fought to stay... fought so you wouldn't have to leave me... Never with words can I thank you for lasting as long as you did... for the longest time I was upset but you made a sacrifice of great pain to stay as long as you could. There for a while I worked at the cemetary and got to visit you every day... last time I visited you mom's boyfriend's mother had passed away and is burried just a row or two away from you. I'm moving out on my own come May... Oh!!! I'm a mason!!! However neither you or Joe were there for my Entered Apprentice Degree, I am supposed to do my fellowcraft the day after my birthday but I just cant seem to get the stuff memorized so I don't think it is going to happen then. Mila still misses you sometimes I think... she is more spoiled than ever she won't even go out if the grass is wet and she has awful allergies (some hunting dog she turned out to be). Joe isn't doing to well, he's been real sick on and off the past few years he may be joining you and his wife soon so keep an eye out for him. I miss you dad, and I love you...

The lord is my Shepherd I shall not want

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures

He leadeth me beside the still waters

He restoreth my soul

He Guideth me in straight paths for his name sake

Yea though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear

no evil

For thou art with me Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me

Thou preparest a table before me in the presents of my enemies Thou

has anointed

my head with oil, my cup runeth over

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and

I shall

live in the house of the lord for ever and ever

(a note for lj'rs... if you disrespect my father and his memory with idiotic and/or rude comments as some have you done in the past, not only will I delete the comment but I will kill you.)

2004

3-11-2004

It has been six years dad... I still miss you!

2003

3-11-2003

Mark. A. Mercer

Dad, it's almost been 5 years to the minute now... since you died. I thought that it would get easier every year... as I adjusted to you being gone. However it only seems to be getting worse, because you aren't here for so much, and because I've royally screwed my life up, and that wouldn't have happened if you wouldn't have died. I guess in a way I have dishonored you by failing life so far. I want to apologiz, apologize for 5 years ago today. When I held your hand, and held you as you died. I apologize for making you fight on. You could hear my voice, and as long as I talked your heart fought to stay beating. Finally I stopped talking to let you go, I'm sorry for stopping talking, Maybe my voice was helping you, maybe without it there you were afraid. I guess I'll never know. I can only hope that you met Death and weren't afraid. 12 days to go and I'll be 18, just something else you'll miss. I'm not mad at you though, You held on as long as you could, fought to stay... fought so you wouldn't have to leave me. I miss you dad, and I love you...