Ok... um... shits all fucked up... yeah... blah... I have to say some things... Tiff... your not my friend... ever... I don't care how much you apologize or try and fix things... Devin... hang in their man... now for who this post is really about.
Madisson,
Um, yeah... I know you don't want me in your life, I know you hate me, I know you wish I was dead. I wish none of this was true... I wish things between us would have never have ended, I wish I would have never have gotten sick before prom. If I wouldn't have had pneumonia... I would have danced with you, other things would have been different... so many problems wouldn't have came up... we would have worked what few that did come up out. I... would have tried to work them out when they did happen, but I didn't realize how important you were to me, and how good of a thing you were in my life. Since you told me to get out of your life, I haven't been able to go more than 5 minutes without wishing I could go back in time... and change things... things happened the way the did... and I was so wied... because you were my first real relationship... you were the first person to ever love me... to ever care about me the way I cared about them. I was scared, I was nervous, I was afraid... I didn't know what to do... what not to do... how to handle things... I didn't know anything. The past two nites have been hell... I don't think you have left my mind at all... I've found myself crying several times... I even drove by your house last nite and said bye as I drove by... I was going to put this in a letter... and keep it between you and me (I still plan on writing my leter and mailing it to you before I leave tomorrow) but I decided everyone needed to see my confession. Everyone needs to see, that I fucked up, that I always fuck up, that I'm different than they all think I am. I may not even leave tomorrow... just so I can wait for a reply from you... even if its a fuck you... I just need to hear something from you... one last time... really, I need to see you one last time... I know I will never forget you, I will never forget the good times we shared... I will never forget the bad times we shared. I wont' forget the akward moments we had, the funny ones, the sad ones, the silly ones. I'll never forget the way it felt to hold you, the soud of your voice, the way you could make me melt and do anything you wanted me to... the way you could paralze me. I'll never forget the times shared in Fisher's class, the times shared in both of my cars, the times shared everywhere... I'll neve forget the first time... anything happened between us... that night at the football game... by the doors to the graveyard by the stage's garage... I'll never, ever, forget that... even if I forget my name and everything else... I'll never forget that. I'll never forget that ride home after we helped move lynn to her house... I'll never forget that either... as long as I live. I doubt you'll read this, but I hope, the people that know you, tell you to read it... and I hope and I pray that you do read it... You'r feelings for me probably won't change after this... but I can hope, and dream, and wish... Whatever you do in life... I hope you have fun, are always healthy, and accomplish the things you want to in life.
Everyone... I'll post tomorrow... then I probably won't post for a week or two... *sighs, takes a look at everyoneand everything and leaves*
-The Wolf
Ryan Carl Mercer, the imperfect coward.
